Frivolous At Heart

[iPod Mini Video Car Kit Charger Adapter FM Transmitter]

I am using my iPod more lately and notice the increase in [blockage]. That is, I am able to block out a lot of the world surrounding me. It works best with soft melodies and sometimes rock=) Anyhow I’m wanting to use this during my commute to and fro and I find it annoying and [stupid] looking to wear my ear phones while driving. It’s not that I care about those around me but it’s more of an inside mental disorder that I think it’s dumb to do so.

My remedy? Hmm, as the title indicates, I purchased an FM transmitter/ FM Modulator for my iPod. Good god, it’s made in China and that’s not to to say that all products are inferior when made in China: high quality does
exist in China when looking and researching carefully. It’s three products in one; 1) charger, 2) dock, and 3) FM Trans./Mod.. I love it actually!

Now why is it an inferior product? Well for one, I’ve never heard of the brand and the prongs that hold the dock in the cigarette lighter is just too flimsy and not up to par. I’m worried that if I stop all a sudden during busy
traffic- it might fly out and hit me in the face if not, damage a 300USD toy! It wouldn’t hurt my pocket book as much because I got it for free but to others, I feel your lost,.. not!

You’ve probably experienced [over-charging] your battery on many of the newer gizmos namely, phones and PDAs. This product I purchased has no [turn-off], [toggle] or [push-button] switch built in? What? Why in the heck not? Well, okay, all the iPod FM Trans./Mod do not have this feature and I plan to remedy this as well! I figured, since the battery is built into these iPods (why?), I would risk damaging the battery while listening to my collection because of [over-charging].

I fixed this with a few mods or hacks, if you want to call it that, so that I’m able to charge my iPod at will. This is my first time so it looks really bad but works and that’s all I need it to do. My first phase was splicing open the wires to find the [hot] wire and connect it to a switch. I should have done this the correct way: splice from within and have all the wires tucked neatly inside the dock. Fruit for thought but if you do try this, do what I just suggested because you don’t want wires dangling. Plus, the dock is white and my wires are black? How dumb am I? Sheesh! I’ll include photos as soon as I get my digital camera back which is tomorrow!

I changed my mind and re-hacked the contraption to hide all the wires but the resultant was far from eye candy. I should have thought a little more deeply before I started hacking it. Enjoy!

So I went out Friday night to celebrate a friend’s birthday. At the same time, visit an old friend of mine. We have been friends for a few years now and we just now started talking again. I never gave up on her though,… we drifted apart for about a year because she was seeing someone at that time. I understood her decision and I
embraced it with her. I always called to say hello and such and one day she replied. I was very happy she did because that rekindled our friendship.

I never bothered her by calling her relentlessly; just on occasions like holidays and such. I had a feeling that this person I shouldn’t give up on and it paid off! Some people, I gave up completely. I’m sure I’ll lose her again but it’s okay; just live in the moment.

Back to my thoughts… So we went with a party of seven: three ladies and 4 gents.. It was so much fun I have to say. The server (my friend that I went to go see) was so trying to get me drunk! It was Heineken after Heineken after Heineken. She was being so bad- especially for a server=) She usually has her hair up and is more “punkish” in composure. This night, no she was not at all. I told her she looked radiant. She said I looked GOOD (O yeah,
made my night!). I love the way her hair fell down her side and how her tender curls garnished her petite shoulders. Wow!!!

Anyhow, I had a great night. Wings were awesome and the beer was even sweeter than usual (wink). Did I mention one of the girls was extremely cute? Yeah? They all went to a party after but I could not make it. Wish I had because it was fun fun fun!

I was talking to a friend of mine a few days back and now I have on this subject matter, to discuss what intrigued me so much about her. We were talking about PDA (public display of affection) and she told me about a very corny story of a couple sitting behind her in public getting busy. It was normal or so I assumed until she said “the lady was sitting on his lap riding like a horsie- a horsie ride?” OMG, I was laughing so hard it was so hilarious=)

With that alone, I thought it was really corny and funny. Every time we get a chance to chit chat, she brings up these quirky one-liners that just seem to always amaze and make me smile. We have not spoken in some lengthy time because of reasons following her BF feeling uncomfortable for us to hold a relationship as friends. I respected his wishes though, so needless to say, we don’t speak much.

I tend to give “general advice” and it seems to hurt someone. I have not betrayed anyone for giving advice because when I do have a chance to counsel, it’s all relative and general ideology that anyone would give to a friend. I guess I’m close to both parties so advice from me weights a little more than if it were from someone both parties did not know.

Anyhow, lost of thought there for a wee bit. I love talking to her. She’s a great friend. Though I’ve noticed she lashed out at me a few times and I wont burden her with my own opinions- my opinions and lashings tend to hurt a lot more than the aggressors’ own. I’m a friend that will carry your weight as my own and understand people have their moments. It’s okay if friends lash out at me, I know they are using me to vent and it’s okay. I can handle it!

I am compelled to say the least that I shall not speak of my lustful fervor any longer. I have once said that the passion encased in my heart shall not be forgotten and that it were no light switch to match the threads sewn deep within parts of my heart to ever let I forget those feelings had I once reaped for my own growth. To be a man like I is to dine life with cold slender fingers and one perceptive sharp brow.

It is quite evident that I have grown and surpassed such petty childish formulations. I turn life on its hind, define bigots and the enamored in a whole totally new perspective. Very unorthodox. The rivers and rocks that inhabit beneath shall admire me for I am unchanging. Wishes and dreams are washed away like the Autumn leaves that fall during Spring. It’s not Autumn but Spring… It’s not a full moon… It’s the wrong time within the right moments. Like I, wishes are washed away like a paper boat set free during heavy rains by an innocent child. Wrong time within right moments. I am Autumn.

No longer shall I verbalize one sentence, word or thought upon this fickle situation. It has not been a waste but it has been dreamful for the allure that stages and sings to I within thee sleep. I wake upon it like I do with little thought as the air fills my lungs to full capacity. Exhaling, I feel and note nothing of odd and nothing of all. I had be denied of most simple things and I shall sweep this underneath my dining carpet and done with saids I.

I end my journey here, I end my stake there, I’ll keep and eye out for more. The allures of life yet may still await. No longer shall I hold such peace at heart and no longer shall I hold the owner at will. You are free from my view and I no longer look through stained glass. Like the breeze that blows sand off sidewalks, I am the sand and not the breeze.

I don’t know where to start because there were a few random things that had occurred. I should have emptied my thoughts here earlier instead thinking back of what had happened. It doesn’t seem as fresh to me than if it were a week ago. Still, this proves that certain cliches happen for certain reasons If I might add, and this is one of them. “Things happen for a reason”.

This allows my mind to consolidate my thoughts to one cohesive and solid happening. I like this more and it offers a reflection of shame (if there were any) so that I may self correct my wrongs to rights. I believe this works best when served cold.

I can not remember when or the hour but a friend of mine claimed I. So I assume I’m a best friend to another which makes my day more fluid and balanced. To know that I have reached out to her and lightly suggested changes that need mending and to be able to counsel what needs cushioning makes I a more influenced person. I was touched when I was told I actually helped her see through different shades of colour. I’m happy to be part of her. She has given me something I can not refuse.

I too made a promise. The promise was that I will far exceed her kinship that she had now experienced with her friends. This promise goes only so far. I can only reach what wants to be reached and touch what wants be felt. I shall be here always. She will sail ways far and we can pick-up our relationship where it is left at without chiding and without questions. It’s not the years nor the distance that lets friends drift away; its how you feel at the moment- that pivotal moment when you know you have laid eyes on the same person you’ve come so accustomed to that all is well and nothing has changed but the weather.

I’m resolute when it comes to friendship. Like the graying of asphalt, I change very little. My direction is firm and my feelings are concrete. I stay grounded as the weather changes and the seasons discolour.

Finally! I have now, an IPOD for my full sadistic & unmoral pleasure=) I love music, though somewhat boring of a genre you might think but I love the type of music that I listen to. Nice and slow, classy, and very boring=) Just my type of music to set the correct mindset.

How did I come of this? Well it started many moons ago when I was promised one and patiently waited until this special day came=) $300 USD later, I’m now free to block out the world around me even more! My friend CHIM purchased it for me- actually he purchased two, one for Jay and another for I. We got free IPODs and are extremely happy for such a blessing! Now we must get to using it which will take us quite a bit of time to learn the curvature of the proprietary Appleware.

It’s silly how I did not know what an IPOD was when Apple first started making them! I was clueless until CHIM updated me. He’s like my key to the hip-hop culture, new gadgets, and the latest gossips. I thank him for such and I thank him even more for my 30GIG IPOD!!! Yay!!!

Check out the photo I stole from Apple (imagine how big my smile was):

I am, for most part, very unemotional. It’s true. I’m unemotional towards everything and everyone. The ones that I actually have at heart feel my warmth tremendously. Like a furnace on a cold blizzard night, I am it. I feel that I’m indifferent and cold at all times but that does not necessarily convey my absolute state towards everything.

She says I’m unemotional and that is why she shall not consider me. True fact- she is right. I shall have no one pick me like a fruit basking in the sun at the market. I am not compared to a fruit nor am I one up for consideration from the masses. I hold high above where it’s low. I shall not be construed as a man without passion because I’m a blossom only needing little coaxing for full bloom. That which she shall not find out for she opens to me not!

To have her think that of me is very inconsiderate considering how I’m a shadow during the day and wind during the night. I’m as light as a thought yet mean so little. How will she ever find out if she, herself, does not embrace me? So choosing, I’m not important nor doe she care for me as a friend, to have second thoughts.

I ask of nothing from her. She refuses, denies and revokes me but still I press on as a loyal friend and care for nothing else than her embrace as a fellow friend. Being a friend to her is an up hill climb or so she makes it that way. She tends to make things complex rather than looking at the facts and blessing them. My friendship comes with no intention in hopes of escalating our friendship to more intimate planes.

I’m passionate about her. She once said she was intimidated and afraid of me. Why? Magical powers I assume. I’m only a plain man with plain powers- the power to associate, create, and love fervently. It seems she builds walls around herself because she is afraid. Fortified and lost. The veil is her phone. Passion seems to travel from her phone to mine like an aroma that makes your thoughts sizzle with intellect. It feels as though she is a different person while on the phone. She expresses her self and falters like anyone else. She is afraid to show
passion face to face for she is afraid of my starring into her heart.

I conclude that I’m unemotional but never to her. It seems that I am but only because she revokes me and is afraid of what might proceed next. Why be afraid of me and drift farther from this? You’ll find me in the same spot you have left me.

My heart has stopped beating momentarily only to realize I have waken to a new moment pressed on by my desire to hold on. I have yet to regain my dominance over worldly obligations. For to wake in moments of agony glorifies my needs to stamp out the rage that surrounds me. It is more pleasant to keep the dark and the dimness at bay than it is to inflict it upon the living. Held on by what slivers of yarn inlaid by veins of the heartless to keep sane. I am enriched by the heavens and condemned by living.

To cut my tongue slightly and let the blood trickle behind my throat to know that I’m still capable as a human, as a person, as a man; to still love what deserves to be loved… myself, ourself, my precious. The sinew that keeps my heart from darkening in places I am complacent and little do I know, I’m dragged slowly on the sandy gravel that rips my skin open while the tightening shackles on my ankle decides to eat through my flesh. The pain is unimaginable yet I find comfort and self-worth for petty and intangible reasons. Reasons that I think are not good
enough for love; a lover’s infection.

My thoughts are skewed and facades left unattended; I’m broken. I’m misunderstood and so my trail of spotty blood patterns seem to recede under the threshold- left by the door – kicked, scuffed and stepped on. Were I given entrance at all? Have I been marked by you, looked over and forgotten?

The feelings are mutual I guess and so I assume it is time to severe all bonds that connect us or rather, the bonds that connect I to you. Mutual I guess and mutual I assume. I would go on my ways as a lost soul once again until I drift to another light, to one light, that will guide my footfalls true and hinder my entrance no more. No more I say! I and you did never exist but perhaps a pretense for myself, for I; hope is not lost.

Generally speaking, to have someone at heart is to look after that person’s good interest at all times. I would have to admit, you can’t hold the particular person’s hand through everything in life but that is not what I’m trying to get across.

To be a friend and I dont mean “hi-bye” ones either but true good friends means to look after that person’s interest. Literally speaking everyone is looking out for themselves and we do this naturally. Once this has been accomplished, you should have the common courtesy to look after your friend or many friends.

For example, taking someone else’s slack when you know they are not able. Or taking notice that someone needs a certain something and you go out of your way to get it for them when you know darn well they are not capable of doing so themselves. Doing things you necessarily don’t need to do but you do so because you are friends and friends sometimes rely on others.

Well seeing as how I’ve explained all that, I’d like to say that I have not experienced any kind of oldfashion friendship from a particular person. Not that I request or demand of it but It would be nice sometimes to
feel that you are actually placed at heart by that person. In other words, to know that you actually mean something to that person instead of them just brushing you off.

I know, why still friends with this person? Well I believe everyone deserves chances (if many) to prove me wrong. I hold this person very dear at heart. But she seems to lack the rebound? It’s okay! I have faith in her. I’m very forgiving though I have left her alone for most part because she seems to be uninterested in me as a friend (if we are even friends at all I feel).

I’m away for the weekend here in Palm Beach. Had to be counseled for miscellaneous reasons. Four hour to and another four back. How exciting! It was the only time I actually had time to “listen”, I mean, REALLY listen to my jazz and classical music. Yo Yo Ma seems to frequent the classical station more and more lately.

I really like Yo Yo Ma- a great cellist and artist. You probably know of his music in the movie Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. The piece you are most familiar with is probably The Eternal Vow. I feel so weak emotionally when I listen to Yo Yo Ma. There is so much passion that affliction has little meaning to me. So soothing yet so suicidal. So
grand yet mystifying.

I feel as though my soul plays the same rhythm and beckons for answersfrom sources not so willing. The piece has an uncanny and irresistible connotation provoked by the title and answered in riddles by the tunes. I’m in love with the.