Frivolous At Heart

I dropped off his DVD’s today in the mail box. I forgot to bring it along when I came to pick up my jack. I had asked him to remove my number from his possession as I’ve already done so after I dropped off the DVD’s. I don’t know what to do with the watch. I think I’ll give it away as well. That will take some time to do because I do not know whom to give it to nor do I know of such an outlet to freely throw it away.

I’m done with this friendship. I don’t need the memory of such indecency nor do I need reminders that will coax my psyche. Life goes on without our noticing at times; at other times, we need to take up the responsibility to take care of splitting ends. To round the corners if I may… I love his mom; she’s such a sweet lady. Wife to Casanova and mother to a bastard. She’s such a sweet lady.

When I came over to pick up the jack, I spoke to her momentarily and she had asked for me to come over when I’m not busy. I nodded and said that I would love to come over. Pretense rather but what else was I suppose to say (your son is a bastard?)?

There are many things which can not be said but only archived privately. A friend of mine is dating my ex-girlfriend. He has done this before in the past. I’m the third victim. Perhaps ‘victim’ is too harsh but I suppose it’s fitting. He was there through my breakup and now he’s dating her. Funny how he said I’m better off without her and that she’s not good and all the other ugly things he’s said but only after two weeks later did he call me to say that he was dating her. I look back at it as though it’s a lesson to be learned. I was sure that he was going to date her anyways because I know him like the back of my hand. No one did ever understand him like I did. I was a bestfriend and now we are no longer friends at all. Loyalty means a lot to me.

Anyone could date my ex. I could careless but why did it have to be my bestfriend? It take’s two to tango, rather. She has no respect for me and he certainly has none either. I find it trivial in the many things he’s said. Things such as, “It’s not like that bro, we are just casually talking”. Ha, what a white lie=). I don’t even know why he would tell his ex he’s sleeping with my ex for. I had three people call me to say in some extent, “Did you know so and so are dating and he slept such and such”. Not exactly what I wanted to hear and not that I care. I just find it a little trivial.

My friends say I’m too nice and that if it was them, they would of let out a world of hurt’n (mentally) on him and her. You know, I have to hold my composure. I will not argue with a woman especially and ex. Nor will I bring up topics such as this or so that which is considered taboo amongs friends. He said he loved me like a brother but except my brother is sharing the same women I once slept with. Do brothers do that? I’m sure he wouldn’t mind doing so to a blood relative. It’s okay. Life has many mysteries.

He asked a girlfriend for my email address. He has my email address but to reach out to my girlfriend to state that he’s emailing me. I told her to go ahead and give it to him because the email will probably be an apology and that to state in the letter that he’s dating her. Couple minutes later, I’ve got MAIL ;). I will frame up that email later in life to prove a point: loyalty comes with a price. He’s not sorry for how he feels towards her. No problem, all you had to do is not talk to her:) I’m pointing fingers at him only and not her because she’s meaningless- he was my righthand man.

On a lighter note, I’m meaningless to her as well because she doesn’t have the decency to call me “Anh” anymore but rather, state my first name. When she called me by my first name, it means what we once had was meaningless and that the cherished moments are indeed buried. So I take her lead and thus call her by her first name. I’m getting off topic:)

Mimi and I separated. I needed a week to get a hold of myself, to walk away, to calm my nerves, to allow the reserved due-diligence. I’ve told her many moons ago that she would leave me for someone at her work. Those many nights when she would come home late or not call at all, I knew something was wrong. That’s history. The point is, I needed a week. I was over her in a week. Honestly, we still had contact after we separated but I was being treated like I didn’t matter- it was okay- had to fulfill my promises so hurt me gently. I knew what I was getting into and I enjoyed every moment of it 😉

My friend is going through a break-up and he’s not letting go. Women are disposable like gloves in waste bins. So are men. Women and men are whores I explained to my friend. Both sexes are at fault. Imagining your once loved doing the naughty with else said kills him inside. As for me, I smile inside. I neither care nor think about it. They will repeat the cycle over again, and get sexually ravaged and mentally abused. It’s okay, there are billions of women/men out there, so pick your poison wisely.

Patience is key in this matter. You don’t always win your battles but it’s always in good nature that you sometimes turn the other cheek in feigned ignorance to allow the situation or a dilemma to sway towards your will without notions of frustration.

We may be without frustrations but they always get to us against our will. With frustration comes reserve. With wholesome reserve thus consumes patience.

I Cant wait to go to school once more. I have one more summer and If all goes as planned, I shall go up for school once more. Im going to throw away more knick-knacks before I go. All they do is clutter things up. Like life, small insignificant memories, if you keep them with you, they start to clutter your thoughts one memory at a time until they make themselves known. At that point, you have already broken to pieces that literally cant be put back together.

I try to keep clutter out of my life and I try to make my path as smooth as possible so that I wont entangle myself into a mess that I cant dissolve. Anything that is meaningless, I let go. Anything that serves value but lacks intention, is also forgotten. I want to go away and not come back until im done. I want to concentrate on my life as though Im the only important part in it and that everything else drifts behind. I want to be like the sea, pushing contaminants on the shore and supporting what seems endless. I rather be the sea water; engulfing what I cant dissolve and building what I think can sustain.

Sometimes my mind drifts too far and I lose track, time, and resolve. That is when the waves crash and the skies cry only until Ive found myself again; a mirror looking back at me, the sky, to remind me what I am, what I shall be, and the end result of my journey. This is what keeps me going.a href=http://diuternity.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/33986919was0007.jpgimg src=http://diuternity.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/33986919was0007-300×198.jpg alt=33986919was0007 title=33986919was0007 width=300 height=198 class=alignnone size-medium wp-image-713 //a

We are approaching 2009 very soon. I came home for thanksgiving only to throw away a toothbrush we once shared and to put away a card I left out when I left in a hurry. Life goes on. I miss this house, my bed, my secrets, my office. I have nothing really to say but to an extent that my holiday was a wonderful one. I have so little time and a million things to do; I didn’t accomplish all of them needless to say. I will return for xmas and try to complete them all. I had so many people to see but family is always first so I didn’t get to see a lot of my friends whom are a little upset. I’m sorry. I wish there was more time. Once I come back to school, it’s finals! Study Study Study! Coming back brings so much warm memories. I wanted to stop by Burlington to get some gloves for winter and maybe a few more boxer briefs but didn’t get a chance to. I’ll get them later on when I come back. I did get some contacts though. I didn’t have time last time. Too bad they are being shipped to me. They weren’t in stock=(. Happy holidays. My plant has grown taller the last I saw it.

“To Live with shame is to allow it to encapsulate your every undoing” Diuternity

I remember this now=) I’ve been trying hard to remember this. I live by this. I gave this to a friend whom use to carry around quotes bound by a ring. I will someday finish my book=)