Frivolous At Heart

Patience is key in this matter. You don’t always win your battles but it’s always in good nature that you sometimes turn the other cheek in feigned ignorance to allow the situation or a dilemma to sway towards your will without notions of frustration.

We may be without frustrations but they always get to us against our will. With frustration comes reserve. With wholesome reserve thus consumes patience.

I Cant wait to go to school once more. I have one more summer and If all goes as planned, I shall go up for school once more. Im going to throw away more knick-knacks before I go. All they do is clutter things up. Like life, small insignificant memories, if you keep them with you, they start to clutter your thoughts one memory at a time until they make themselves known. At that point, you have already broken to pieces that literally cant be put back together.

I try to keep clutter out of my life and I try to make my path as smooth as possible so that I wont entangle myself into a mess that I cant dissolve. Anything that is meaningless, I let go. Anything that serves value but lacks intention, is also forgotten. I want to go away and not come back until im done. I want to concentrate on my life as though Im the only important part in it and that everything else drifts behind. I want to be like the sea, pushing contaminants on the shore and supporting what seems endless. I rather be the sea water; engulfing what I cant dissolve and building what I think can sustain.

Sometimes my mind drifts too far and I lose track, time, and resolve. That is when the waves crash and the skies cry only until Ive found myself again; a mirror looking back at me, the sky, to remind me what I am, what I shall be, and the end result of my journey. This is what keeps me going.a href=http://diuternity.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/33986919was0007.jpgimg src=http://diuternity.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/33986919was0007-300×198.jpg alt=33986919was0007 title=33986919was0007 width=300 height=198 class=alignnone size-medium wp-image-713 //a

We are approaching 2009 very soon. I came home for thanksgiving only to throw away a toothbrush we once shared and to put away a card I left out when I left in a hurry. Life goes on. I miss this house, my bed, my secrets, my office. I have nothing really to say but to an extent that my holiday was a wonderful one. I have so little time and a million things to do; I didn’t accomplish all of them needless to say. I will return for xmas and try to complete them all. I had so many people to see but family is always first so I didn’t get to see a lot of my friends whom are a little upset. I’m sorry. I wish there was more time. Once I come back to school, it’s finals! Study Study Study! Coming back brings so much warm memories. I wanted to stop by Burlington to get some gloves for winter and maybe a few more boxer briefs but didn’t get a chance to. I’ll get them later on when I come back. I did get some contacts though. I didn’t have time last time. Too bad they are being shipped to me. They weren’t in stock=(. Happy holidays. My plant has grown taller the last I saw it.

“To Live with shame is to allow it to encapsulate your every undoing” Diuternity

I remember this now=) I’ve been trying hard to remember this. I live by this. I gave this to a friend whom use to carry around quotes bound by a ring. I will someday finish my book=)

Jimbo cuts my hair every two weeks. Emmy takes care of it. Thought things out before even I. A good friend Emmy is=) Jimbo is getting a lot better at cutting my hair. He’ll improve as time goes by. He has four years to getting better at it.

I could love so fervently yet with a flip of the coin, I can turn and walk away so easily. It’s hurtful, yes I agree but it’s something I do and live by. I define lines between everything in my life thus I don’t complicate things. It’s yes or no and NOTHING in-between; it’s black and white with no gray. I’ve picked myself up from relationships small and large and never felt a thing. The only loss I feel are mild retentions of sacrifices and the unions once brought forth that has proceeded such separations.

I admit, I will give an effort to make things work out but once resolute and the result is futile; I simply walk away. I may cry but those tears are not of the union but what has brought forth from it; the lost of a good friend and lover. To be with someone for a lengthy period makes you somewhat joined by the hip I suppose, and once that part is severed from you, it’s like a missing limb that aches in numbness and with time, it will go away. I don’t fully understand myself at times, but those moments of loss and desperation subside within hours if not, minutes. I may cry later on because I miss the missing limb but I didn’t cry for the lost union.

For whatever reasons I’ve lost the severed limb, I don’t recall thinking about the loss any longer than the moment I once lost it. I have accepted the loss as though I accept fate. Fate has brought this to my front doorsteps and now I must rejoice in this sad hour.

I still find myself procrastinating like I was in undergrad. I need to be more disciplined. This isn’t a game. Thus far, I’ve done pretty well and damn proud of myself. I want to be even more disciplined where all I know is grad grad grad school. I’ve been doing it. Five words a day here and there; keeping up with previous works and tests – sometimes I find myself catching up on things=) I also find that me sleep schedule is all so very messed up. I don’t mind one bit. Study late and sleep during the day time lol. I should reverse that so I can bed early!