Frivolous At Heart

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We are approaching 2009 very soon. I came home for thanksgiving only to throw away a toothbrush we once shared and to put away a card I left out when I left in a hurry. Life goes on. I miss this house, my bed, my secrets, my office. I have nothing really to say but to an extent that my holiday was a wonderful one. I have so little time and a million things to do; I didn’t accomplish all of them needless to say. I will return for xmas and try to complete them all. I had so many people to see but family is always first so I didn’t get to see a lot of my friends whom are a little upset. I’m sorry. I wish there was more time. Once I come back to school, it’s finals! Study Study Study! Coming back brings so much warm memories. I wanted to stop by Burlington to get some gloves for winter and maybe a few more boxer briefs but didn’t get a chance to. I’ll get them later on when I come back. I did get some contacts though. I didn’t have time last time. Too bad they are being shipped to me. They weren’t in stock=(. Happy holidays. My plant has grown taller the last I saw it.

“To Live with shame is to allow it to encapsulate your every undoing” Diuternity

I remember this now=) I’ve been trying hard to remember this. I live by this. I gave this to a friend whom use to carry around quotes bound by a ring. I will someday finish my book=)

Jimbo cuts my hair every two weeks. Emmy takes care of it. Thought things out before even I. A good friend Emmy is=) Jimbo is getting a lot better at cutting my hair. He’ll improve as time goes by. He has four years to getting better at it.

I could love so fervently yet with a flip of the coin, I can turn and walk away so easily. It’s hurtful, yes I agree but it’s something I do and live by. I define lines between everything in my life thus I don’t complicate things. It’s yes or no and NOTHING in-between; it’s black and white with no gray. I’ve picked myself up from relationships small and large and never felt a thing. The only loss I feel are mild retentions of sacrifices and the unions once brought forth that has proceeded such separations.

I admit, I will give an effort to make things work out but once resolute and the result is futile; I simply walk away. I may cry but those tears are not of the union but what has brought forth from it; the lost of a good friend and lover. To be with someone for a lengthy period makes you somewhat joined by the hip I suppose, and once that part is severed from you, it’s like a missing limb that aches in numbness and with time, it will go away. I don’t fully understand myself at times, but those moments of loss and desperation subside within hours if not, minutes. I may cry later on because I miss the missing limb but I didn’t cry for the lost union.

For whatever reasons I’ve lost the severed limb, I don’t recall thinking about the loss any longer than the moment I once lost it. I have accepted the loss as though I accept fate. Fate has brought this to my front doorsteps and now I must rejoice in this sad hour.

I still find myself procrastinating like I was in undergrad. I need to be more disciplined. This isn’t a game. Thus far, I’ve done pretty well and damn proud of myself. I want to be even more disciplined where all I know is grad grad grad school. I’ve been doing it. Five words a day here and there; keeping up with previous works and tests – sometimes I find myself catching up on things=) I also find that me sleep schedule is all so very messed up. I don’t mind one bit. Study late and sleep during the day time lol. I should reverse that so I can bed early!

To wait for a happening that might never occur is worth the agony of desiring something worth while even if it’s at a lost.

Made Pork Chops Today. It was delicious. Quite spicy might I add! I need some veggies in my diet! I went to Home Depot to purchase some items to vent my kitchen exhaust out the window and I can’t wait to finish the job this weekend! Perhaps I could roast some beef this weekend and throw in some veggies!

I remember when I drove up here, I was going from the heavens (mountains) and made the descend all the way down to civilization. All I saw up in heaven were Amish folks and the town looked SO SO OLD. Corn fields everywhere! I took a photo of an Amish individual in their horse & buggy. Not the very best photo and or the complete photo but I could use my imagination to visualize the rest=) I’m getting over a cold and today is the last day to study for my practical ( I had to learn 300+ terms).