June 2008

Grrrhh! I was driving home and decided to give my gf a ring- four times within a span of an hour. The fourth call she picked up and said, “What is it Cau7!” like she was begining to be annoyed and said that I was basically “checking up on her” to see if she was doing what she said she was.

OMG, I only called and bugged her because I knew she had to be somewhere at noonish. My thinking was that if I bugged her within those intervals, I would keep her company until she got there instead of her driving there unacompanied. I guess i’m the “stalker” I suppose. If that’s the case, I won’t “stalk” anymore. I only wanted to bug her because I was thinking of her.

That’s fine, I won’t bother her anymore without good reasons. I guess in a way, I wanted to be bothered the same way because it would make me feel wanted or feel special. Very corny but very true. I guess when you get too comfy, you are allowed to say, “What do you want!” when you answer the phone and think it’s perfectly okay. That’s being taken for granted in my view. Don’t complain if I don’t call anymore.

Funny how at first they would love to receive your calls and talk to you in the freezing rain or hang upside down if it required them to do so- just so they can talk to you a little longer. I remember those sweet, sweet moments but they are no more. Now it’s only an annoyance and or they wont make the effort or give you the time. It would tickle their fancy just to chit-chat about anything just so long as you accompanied them on the phone. It seems this behavior is only repeated when you meet new people of interest because you want to show to the other party that you are willing to “walk the extra mile”. I guess that mile is up and now it’s no more. Just a facade I suppose.

Stalking? Thanks, thanks a lot. I’m not the police patrol. I won’t ask into details what your regular daily outings are anymore. I might be accused of prying, prying into something I thought I could be apart of.

This is as common of an issue in any relationship. I know that in the beginning, the gf is very uncomfortable with this issue and she still is. So long as she doesn’t hear about it or know about it, she’s fine but if she gets wind of it, she’ll feel uncomfortable and I can understand that. Last thing I want to do is to make the gf uncomfortable and have concerns. You just don’t want to do that to a person you love. Subtract that out of all relationships if you love the person.

So about a month ago, she told me that she can’t prevent people from having an interest in her. That was a “told you so” factor. So I assumed someone has keen interest of her. If anyone is in any type of a relationship, you know that other people will take keen interest in your mate and that is inevitable- something out of your control. What is controllable are the facts that she can control her fate and outcome of this newly sprung interest(s). How he or she handles this type of scenario all depends on how faithful they are to their mate.

Looking at the gf’s scenario, she’s told me countless of times that she can simply quell trying times such as these in a way to let the advancer know that she is uninterested in a stern manner. You can only let your mate do such parry to offset the balance between what’s black and white. To keep things simple, don’t let things out of hand i.e. don’t extend your friendship into a [could be] blooming relationship. It’s okay to have friends but it’s not okay to be friends with someone who has interests in you (just think of how you would feel if the roles were switched). You should be fending these outliers with wit and etiquette yet subtle and ferocious tenderness. This act is reciprocal. This is an act of commitment.

I beg to differ but I was one without worries of these situations. What would only make me worry is for the fact that I have mistreatd my significant other. Think of it this way… If you don’t listen to your mate, they’ll find someone else whom will listen to them. No matter how boring or uninterested you are, always bear mind to give an ear or two. The fact is, if I was mistreated, I would look elsewhere from whom will treat me with more compassion. Even a dog knows when its ill treated and will jump the fence for greener pastures. We are better than dogs I suppose.

I have no idea who likes her but I know someone does. It doesn’t bother me but what bothers me is if she doesn’t try to avoid it. Go figure, who wouldn’t be bothered? She once said, “why would I look at other women when I have her to look at everyday” and in a sense, if I did look at other women with slivery tactful eyes, hell would decends upon me like black on white. She’s right of course, I don’t need other women to look at, just her would be sufficient. She will have many other men who will have interest in her even during marriage if you want to take it that far and all I can do is trust in her judgement for my own sanity.

This is only an assumption and I won’t press this issue on her. She’ll press it on me though but thats her being her and I don’t blame her womenly intuitions one bit. If she decides to tell me about it, she will in time. If not, than I’m perfectly content as well. This would only show how much she values my views of her ordeal and the trust that she has in me.

I was wrong today because I didn’t put the gf’s feelings first. I’m such a coarse person that I sometimes forget whats important around me. The way I am, I’m coarse with everyone because of my brutal honesty. I could have put things in more subtle terms- something that wont hurt her feelings and that would make a point. I meant every word of it but I should have been nice about it. I forget sometimes and It may sound perfectly logical yet it really is too coarse.

I do apologize for my swift and thoughtless remarks. It does make me feel bad that I hurt her feelings. Today was totally my fault and I felt like an ass. No one’s pointing fingers but obviously, the finger is towards me straight in the face. I make my points on the expense of other peoples feelings and thats perfectly okay by me. Just not towards the gf. I’m forgetful and I won’t do that anymore. She’s not just anyone else but someone I love and I should be a little more careful and put thought into what I say before any repercussion from her.

I hate that face that I’m right yet wrong; conveying a message with such coarseness is rude on my part. I will be more assertive the next time ’round. I only hope that she doesn’t get more angry towards me. I noticed subtle changes in her mood when she’s angry and I don’t like it. It’s not her fault she’s that way; she is because of me and that in turn makes me feel bad. To have her smile and be happy is something I enjoy.