May 2006

Very interesting today… It was not expected. I did not expect it to come from someone I thought was a [lady]. Look up that definition please. It all started over a pair of sunglasses and the brewing-grudges over the past weeks for which I have expressed my sentimental apology. I told her that I shall not bother her any longer for which I have not. I also told her that I shall not bring up anything btwn her and I nor shall I speak of things that have passed or things that are present.

I called her vain for which she sees no reason why I did. Its okay. I removed her off my friends list on a friends network. All lead to her more hating me. Its okay. I don’t expect her to understand. She called me an asshole not in private but in front of a crowd. Thank You. Didn’t expect it. Those are the types of names I would not refer anyone by and only reserved for the ones whom are truely. Its no wonder I hate arguments.

I let myself drift for I know that things will never fall into place nor shall light pass through something I know can’t harbor light. I’m glad I have made such decisions for I was surprised with a rebuttal so uncanny it gave me a sense of sadness for the moments that passed. I was not sad for myself but sad for her. My outlook of her has changed very little but what I know of her changes tremendously.

The whole day when we were out-and-about, I made gestures as if nothing had happened and that everything was alright which it was. I’m not the type of person that will be angry- I’m never angry. To be angry at her is useless- she’s too cute to be angry at. It will be another stone I will leave turned over. Nothing has happened. I still will be her friend if she wants it. I know she acted out of anger but meant what she said.

I lost a lot of my photos I took. They were digital copies of film versions back in the day. I was talking to my friend via AIM and he sent me a photo of my ex and I. Boy, was I ever feeling so nostalgic than ever. I miss those days. She was so sweet and her smile was icing on the cake.

I don’t regret any day that I was with her. Though it did not end as I intended but that’s life: things don’t always fall into place like a puzzle. I would often look back and relive the sweet moments that I cherished most. The soft kisses and caresses and how they made me feel. It was soothing- beyond a latte decked with whip cream.

I’ve been single now for O, I’d be generous and say four something odd years. I don’t have the desire for affection from anyone. I wasn’t hurt nor was I devastated from a previous relationship to say and commit to such. I’m content with mostly everything and I’m not demanding- just picky and very particular. Here’s to another four years!

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