I was going over a friend’s house to do some PC upgrades. It was a new motherboard + processor, 530watt psu, and a 512mb pciE_x16 video card. During the long drive, I had the urge to call my friend. We have not spoken to each other for awhile. I didn’t give up on her. So I contemplated for a wee bit to see if I should give her a call. I did. Every tone was a heart ache for I assumed she wouldn’t pick up and that I would have to leave a message. Finally on the third tone, she picked up. I was relieved for I had no clue what to say if I had left a message.

She hadn’t picked up for two whole weeks- mind you, I was a nuisance but I didn’t mind. Her friendship meant a lot more than my embarrassment. I guess I was ready to make a fool of myself to admit all wrongs whether I was right or she was wrong- it didn’t matter. When we talked, it was like something new; I didn’t know what to say nor how to put things. I was in the rough and I knew it. I hadn’t the slightest idea of how I would react when she said “Hey” but its the norm.

Two weeks of calling. There were many moments passed that I would flip the phone and speed dial 10 but find myself closing it right afterwards. I wrote many e-mails- all replying to the same letter, drafts, all of them drafts. Each letter I would hover the mice over [send] but stop myself and saved it as [draft]. I’m a fool, embarrassing myself in front of a mirror- all alone. Pity. She is my friend. A friend I have not lost hope in. A month has passed.

There is tension that is between us. From her to I but not from I to her. I’m resolute. I honestly don’t know where our friendship shall sail because I’m onboard but she might be hesitant. I’m happy that she picked up and it was soothing to hear her voice. I missed her quirky jokes and funny giggle. That too, comforts me. Now that I know (an assumption) we can still talk, I don’t think its up to me anymore whether we continue or fall behind. She has me if she but to ask. I’m foolish and misunderstood. One of many flaws I bare. I hate to lose a friend like her since I have so very few to begin with.