My fault for not saying “I like you” in person. My fault for staying many steps behind. My fault. It has brought to my conclusion that the one I so fervently loved, once had feelings for me. It changes very little over the coarse of time how I feel about her nor does it inspire anything within me to know how she felt. She stated the obvious but for some reason, I wonder why she didn’t bother trying herself. It takes two to tango.

I wasn’t given any cue or any hints as to what would and what could. Things are the way they are once set in stone. I was told distinctly how I should carry myself around her. To only be her friend and no more. To not frighten her with my proclaimed love towards her no farther. I was given the ultimatum: friend or no friend at all. I of course, chose friend over no friend. I was reluctant she would be my friend but we never really talked anyways. Never had the concept of friendship anywho.

So it’s my fault for not pursuing someone that has denied me of any attempt from the moment I admitted my feelings within. It’s my fault still, even after she found out that I wanted her in natures beyond friendship and that she had profound feelings for me yet never said a word; no hint, nothing. So how am I suppose to carry myself and be just a friend when she knowingly told me specifically not to love her because it ills her to know so. It’s saying no but in actuality, it means yes. How on earth am I supposed to know that? Do I look telepathic? It’s wishing on an omen but you don’t know what the outcome is.

I believe I was manly about it. I loved her and she denied me. So I continued to love her but in secrecy. I never once made her feel awkward or obligated in forms that will bring chills down your spine when someone does that to you. We all have experienced it. Someone has an affinity towards you and you cannot return the same to them and when they act up or become weird towards you, you feel awkward in ways that will ultimately push you away and friendship is out of the question. I acted accordingly. My fault for not being sweet or talkative because my views on this subject matter is that I wanted to leave her a lone and not bother her. That’s what you do when someone specifically tells you that what you are doing is an affliction towards their mental health. She had an epiphany and her feelings swayed towards mine yet never told me or did anything about them.

I don’t think we will date necessarily because we are two different people. Not exactly made for one another. However, she’s a delicate gal and I think that’s what caught my attention. Anywho she enjoyed our conversation we had and I too. She said we should be more fervent towards each other because we are good friends. I agree, we should. I’m a person that is very chatty. It is only when the other person wants to chat too is when we can both be chatty.