My heart has stopped beating momentarily only to realize I have waken to a new moment pressed on by my desire to hold on. I have yet to regain my dominance over worldly obligations. For to wake in moments of agony glorifies my needs to stamp out the rage that surrounds me. It is more pleasant to keep the dark and the dimness at bay than it is to inflict it upon the living. Held on by what slivers of yarn inlaid by veins of the heartless to keep sane. I am enriched by the heavens and condemned by living.

To cut my tongue slightly and let the blood trickle behind my throat to know that I’m still capable as a human, as a person, as a man; to still love what deserves to be loved… myself, ourself, my precious. The sinew that keeps my heart from darkening in places I am complacent and little do I know, I’m dragged slowly on the sandy gravel that rips my skin open while the tightening shackles on my ankle decides to eat through my flesh. The pain is unimaginable yet I find comfort and self-worth for petty and intangible reasons. Reasons that I think are not good
enough for love; a lover’s infection.

My thoughts are skewed and facades left unattended; I’m broken. I’m misunderstood and so my trail of spotty blood patterns seem to recede under the threshold- left by the door – kicked, scuffed and stepped on. Were I given entrance at all? Have I been marked by you, looked over and forgotten?

The feelings are mutual I guess and so I assume it is time to severe all bonds that connect us or rather, the bonds that connect I to you. Mutual I guess and mutual I assume. I would go on my ways as a lost soul once again until I drift to another light, to one light, that will guide my footfalls true and hinder my entrance no more. No more I say! I and you did never exist but perhaps a pretense for myself, for I; hope is not lost.