Thu 30 Oct 2008
I could love so fervently yet with a flip of the coin, I can turn and walk away so easily. It’s hurtful, yes I agree but it’s something I do and live by. I define lines between everything in my life thus I don’t complicate things. It’s yes or no and NOTHING in-between; it’s black and white with no gray. I’ve picked myself up from relationships small and large and never felt a thing. The only loss I feel are mild retentions of sacrifices and the unions once brought forth that has proceeded such separations.
I admit, I will give an effort to make things work out but once resolute and the result is futile; I simply walk away. I may cry but those tears are not of the union but what has brought forth from it; the lost of a good friend and lover. To be with someone for a lengthy period makes you somewhat joined by the hip I suppose, and once that part is severed from you, it’s like a missing limb that aches in numbness and with time, it will go away. I don’t fully understand myself at times, but those moments of loss and desperation subside within hours if not, minutes. I may cry later on because I miss the missing limb but I didn’t cry for the lost union.
For whatever reasons I’ve lost the severed limb, I don’t recall thinking about the loss any longer than the moment I once lost it. I have accepted the loss as though I accept fate. Fate has brought this to my front doorsteps and now I must rejoice in this sad hour.
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