Wed 16 Jul 2008
I’m so excited for school that I need to concentrate and move on. Though I believe love sometimes don’t work out the way we always wish it would, the time to move on must be pushed forward and that the music must continue on playing. I would much rather finish school and do what is necessary to accomplish my short and long term goals.
I know as love moves on, I won’t have the opportunity to see anyone new nor do I want to. Love struck me when I least expected it. I’ll be celibate for the next three-four years into my journey and maybe longer after it. I’m quite picky when it comes to women- go figure. That’s not to say I’m anymore special than the man standing next to me; it’s just a preference and nothing more. I’m needing time for comfort. Comfort in myself. Comfort with my surroundings. I’m not so easily impressed and I’m too ridged to be emotionally swayed. I’ve seen plenty of beautiful women but they don’t do anything for me and vice versa.
I need a new inspiration: myself. I’m the only person that inspires themselves or so I would like to believe in so. I don’t need any outside inspiration or any animate affliction to induce such emotions. I would like to be accompanied by sweet friends and wallow in all the fun and exciting times that are to come. I’m always surrounded by charismatic and genuine people and I leave it at that note that I shall succeed in all my wanderings.
I don’t feel damaged or broken. I’m in one whole piece. I thought I felt that way but it was an adrenaline rush I suppose. Nothing more a man can do when he is left with nothing and everything. All things that can be done are all ready undone. All things that have been done are all irrelevant. Irrelevancy echoes in my past and shows no imprints upon my heart. No marks have been left there nor will I leave anything to be expressed, hashed, and embedded into my soul. I have left for good and need not disturbance. I’m nothing more than the plume of smoke left aside once a fire has been put out. I’m invincible.
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