Frivolous At Heart

I could love so fervently yet with a flip of the coin, I can turn and walk away so easily. It’s hurtful, yes I agree but it’s something I do and live by. I define lines between everything in my life thus I don’t complicate things. It’s yes or no and NOTHING in-between; it’s black and white with no gray. I’ve picked myself up from relationships small and large and never felt a thing. The only loss I feel are mild retentions of sacrifices and the unions once brought forth that has proceeded such separations.

I admit, I will give an effort to make things work out but once resolute and the result is futile; I simply walk away. I may cry but those tears are not of the union but what has brought forth from it; the lost of a good friend and lover. To be with someone for a lengthy period makes you somewhat joined by the hip I suppose, and once that part is severed from you, it’s like a missing limb that aches in numbness and with time, it will go away. I don’t fully understand myself at times, but those moments of loss and desperation subside within hours if not, minutes. I may cry later on because I miss the missing limb but I didn’t cry for the lost union.

For whatever reasons I’ve lost the severed limb, I don’t recall thinking about the loss any longer than the moment I once lost it. I have accepted the loss as though I accept fate. Fate has brought this to my front doorsteps and now I must rejoice in this sad hour.

I still find myself procrastinating like I was in undergrad. I need to be more disciplined. This isn’t a game. Thus far, I’ve done pretty well and damn proud of myself. I want to be even more disciplined where all I know is grad grad grad school. I’ve been doing it. Five words a day here and there; keeping up with previous works and tests – sometimes I find myself catching up on things=) I also find that me sleep schedule is all so very messed up. I don’t mind one bit. Study late and sleep during the day time lol. I should reverse that so I can bed early!

To wait for a happening that might never occur is worth the agony of desiring something worth while even if it’s at a lost.

Made Pork Chops Today. It was delicious. Quite spicy might I add! I need some veggies in my diet! I went to Home Depot to purchase some items to vent my kitchen exhaust out the window and I can’t wait to finish the job this weekend! Perhaps I could roast some beef this weekend and throw in some veggies!

I remember when I drove up here, I was going from the heavens (mountains) and made the descend all the way down to civilization. All I saw up in heaven were Amish folks and the town looked SO SO OLD. Corn fields everywhere! I took a photo of an Amish individual in their horse & buggy. Not the very best photo and or the complete photo but I could use my imagination to visualize the rest=) I’m getting over a cold and today is the last day to study for my practical ( I had to learn 300+ terms).

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I–
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Continue Later on…

The sun is so beautiful. I took this around 6:47PM. The trees blocked most of the beautiful view but none-the-less it was beautiful.

I wish to see this spectacle this coming spring in Washington, D.C. I’ve always wanted to take a road trip up there and since I’m near by, it’s a rocks  throw away and very convenient to go visit D.C.. The Imagery makes my mind calm and relaxed. I wish I had a heart capable of feeling such but I don’t. I was once capable of loving such odd unions such as ones btwn two lovers but now I feel nothing. I have nothing to feel for. I am resolute as the trees themselves. Love comes and goes like thier blossoms does every spring. It is good that I never did loved so easily.

We never know what we can and will encounter in life. Life with its utmost sincerity, doe not provide us ample time to cherish all the glorious moments one can experience in a life time. The blooming of a blossom could be so beautiful in its entirety that one can wait for a life time to see the perfect blossom bloom.

Stumbling on such great chances in life are a rarity in itself.

Something so perfect as us, you, I, WE. Something so fragile as WE, I, you US. Something so sentimental as ours, US, WE; belonging, gravitating, pulling, frail, sensual. Fear of lost, pain, sentiment, moments. A life of great parallel suspends around great moments. To love, give, take, receive without acknowledgment: to be inward with humbleness. To intertwine like blue and red.

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